Three Lessons From A Year Of Being A Published Author

On what keeps me moving forward

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1. Success won’t always feel how you imagine.

Around the time that I made my book announcement, I learned that my writing mentor of about a year had passed away. His name was KL Burd. He was a family man, went to church, and wrote endearing books for young black kids to have characters that looked like them. 

I enjoyed KL’s laugh, how it was full and genuine. I called him for advice often when I was stressed out about how volatile the writing world felt and how it made me feel like my story didn’t matter. When I’d get down on myself, he’d always say, “Dude, you gotta realize. You’re 27 and you’ve done so much already! Be proud of yourself.”

This loss wasn’t the only one I’d have on my debut author journey. Months later, a close friend from college passed away, and then my grandmother. As these losses ran through my life, I often thought of the quote by John Green about the main character of his famed novel, The Fault In Our Stars…

”Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”

To be going through such a major life milestone of moving, selling a book, considering grad school, and so much more while also grieving, was overwhelming. Fielding congratulations and good wishes felt strange too, but in the end, becoming an author and navigating grief has given me a more intimate relationship with it. It’s shown me that our milestones don’t always feel how we expect and this is okay.

What grief has revealed to me about myself is that sometimes I wear it like a badge of honor or a badge of cynicism. When I think of Steven, I often want to sit on my porch and look up at the wind moving through the trees. Tears fill my eyes and I am grateful. I don’t want to forget what good people made me feel like, and I want to affect others in the world the same. John Green is right, grief reveals us to ourselves.